Limits and Surrender

I notice some confusion with people who desire surrender, but worry that surrender means they're not going to have limits, or that perhaps limits might be somehow incompatible with “true” surrender or “really” surrendering or “deep” surrender, or that being a “true slave” or a “true sub” means not having limits.

Here’s a useful definition of a “limit”: suppose you decide to do something, and X happens. If you had known that X would happen, would you have chosen to do it? If the answer is “no”, then X is one of your limits.

By this definition, limits always exist. To take an exaggerated and silly example for illustrative purposes, suppose someone wants to be a complete and total slave and to be utterly unable to prevent anything from happening to them. They might still not choose to be a total slave, say to a particular person, if they had known that their prospective master was into limb amputation. Ahem. Which makes limb amputation a limit in this example.

We can however ignore our limits, to not talk about our limits, to choose to do things not knowing whether our limits will be violated or not.

Acknowledging and respecting our limits actually enhances the experience of surrender. Because it's a lot easier to surrender when we know we're going to be safe.

See also What Does “True” and “Real” Mean?

Read more about Power Exchange.